on my mind....

More stuff that is on my mind today...I've had several comments already on this blog and my facebook postings. Thank you, my dear friends! I feel your support already. I love all of you!

I feel some things weighing on my mind and heart tonight. I need to write them down and lay it all on the table. I think this is becoming a sort of therapy, which I'm sure I need. Trust me on that one. :) There are things I'm going to share here that I've never ever shared with anyone, but I feel like it is necessary for this to truly be a life change, not just a diet. I'm not one to really open up and share all of those deep, dark secrets or feelings that I have. So hang with me and know that this is a big step for me. If you're one of my close friends, I still might not talk about it out loud, but I love to type...so comment or email or text...we'll talk. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to the point of discussing it out loud. :)

I've always felt bigger than everyone else. Maybe it was my height. I am tall, but I wasn't always fat. I felt that way though. I remember being chosen to be the "princess" or something for our first grade circus. I had to wear a dance leotard borrowed from a friend and I honestly remember thinking that it wasn't going to fit. I was in FIRST grade, seriously?!? That has continued forever. I wasn't overweight; I just felt like it. WTH is that??? Middle school. UGH. Do I have to say more? Yes, I do...a boy (that I thought was a friend) called me Thunder Thighs...do you know how badly that hurt????? People can be so mean. I'm his "friend" on facebook now and so wish I could tell him how much that hurt me. I've seen pictures. I wasn't skinny minny thin, but I certainly wasn't fat; not even close.

So, have I just been living up to those thoughts? I certainly don't think so. I don't want to be like this, but I have been overwhelmed by the thought of what I need to do. To a small amount of defense, I do have some medical concerns that have contributed and don't help things, but I can overcome them. I just have to work harder than some other women. I feel successful in other areas of my life...this needs to be one of them. This will be one of them. The biggest hurdle: I LOVE FOOD....I love cooking, I love baking, I love eating out...it's always been a big part of my life...what are we eating and how good can we make it??? Growing up it was all about cleaning your plate....now it's my husband who loves to eat as much as I do and my kids who haven't learned to like the stuff that's good for you. (another part of this change: my kids' tastes b/c I do NOT want them to end up like me.) My daughter will learn to like fruits and veggies. :)

I feel better. Thanks for listening, my friends and balcony people. I must sign off now so that I can get a good night's sleep before spending time with the elliptical and Jillian Michaels again tomorrow and the pantry that desperately needs to be cleaned out.

In the beginning

I am overweight and although I don't let it show, I hate it. I want to look good, feel good, and know that I've done everything I can to live a long and healthy life. I want to play with my kids without feeling tired. I want to go on any vacation that we want without being self conscious about my appearance. I want to go shopping and actually enjoy it.

This blog is my accountability. I will succeed at this life change. I want to. I have to. I have no choice.

Pictures to come soon...what could be more effective at keeping me motiviated than seeing pictures of myself?

Oh, and my husband will be joining me on this adventure. He doesn't know it yet, but he is. :) He doesn't have as much to lose physically, but with his family history of high blood pressure, diabetes, strokes, and heart attacks, he has more to lose than anyone.

Please follow our journey and help keep us motivated. Please join us and share your successes, challenges, or ideas. We're all in this together!