Pete and Repeat....

Remember that rhyme?? Pete and Repeat went out on a boat. Pete fell off.  Who was left?   I kindof feel like that is how my life is going...well, at least with my body.  I came back to my blog after so much time.  Not sure why I left it.  Guess it is the same old excuse..."not enough time", "life is too busy", yada, yada, yada.  It is, but I have to reprioritize.  I heard that word at church on Sunday. Boy, did I feel a big smack on the head from God with that one.  I need to reprioritize.  While I love my family dearly and I need God's strength more than ever, I must begin to put myself first again.  At least more often than I have been lately.

My weight loss journey has been stuck in a rut, lost in Neverland, out of gas.  I guess the distractions of life have caused the derailment.  But I let that happen.  I am fully responsible for this lack of forward motion.  I cannot make excuses, because there are none.  It is my fault.

Now, where does that leave me?  Back to square one...I have joined the Biggest Loser competition at Sculptures for the third time.  Back to Team Red with my original coach, who is a huge inspiration.  She herself has "been there, done that"...she lost over 100 pounds and has kept it off for several years.  I need to learn from other's experiences.  I have to get my mind refocused.  I must reprioritize.

I come first.  I deserve that.  "My life tomorrow will be the result of my attitudes and choices I make today."

I know that I am surrounded by loving and caring family and friends.  Please keep supporting me.  I need to do this FOR myself, but I don't know if I can do it BY myself.  Pray for me to have the strength and courage that it takes for this "reprioritizing".

Tomorrow's goals:
DRINK WATER. no pop
GET TO THE GYM.  60 minutes of cardio

Five weeks and I'm still alive

I joined the Biggest Loser contest at Sculptures five weeks ago and I am feeling that my life is changing...slowly, one baby step at a time, but it is changing.  The number on the scale is 11 pounds less than it was five weeks ago.  I am much stronger and feel better all the way around.  I don't think I can say I have felt that big boost in energy like people say happens when you start exercising, but I would say I'm more even or level in my energy levels. 

So, what has changed?

• I exercise....and I like it!!!  Thanks to the wonderful variety of classes at Sculptures, I have learned to like sweating for one to two hours at a time.  Monday i
• s Insanity (watch the infomercials!) and Hustle (I pretend I'm a hiphop goddess.)  Tuesday is Rest Day.  Wednesday I try to get to Turbo Kick or I do the elliptical at home.  Thursday is PiYo(my FAVE) and sometimes BodySmith if Kelly is teaching.  Friday is Rest Day.  Saturday is PiYo and TurboKick.  Sunday is MUST Take a Nap Day.  So it isn't daily, but with two hours on some of those days, I feel like I'm off to a good start.  It's better than what I was doing before. 
• I can do push-ups!!!  well, the girly ones with my knees on the floor, but I feel so much stronger already. 
• I can hold the plank position for a good length of time.
• I can do a variety of crunches w/o pulling every muscle in my abdomen and w/o pushing myself up with my hands. 
• My stomach is shrinking.  I can't eat as much as I used to. 
• I'm making better food choices. Tomorrow Team Red is starting a Clean Eating challenge.  I don't think I can go 100% right now, but my coach has challenged me to go 80%.  I think that is doable.
• I am drinking more water and less pop. 
• I love, love, love having that time to myself.  It is keeping me sane.  I have needed to make time for myself for a very long time.  I feel that my family is in a good place for me to do this.  Is my house clean? No.  Is laundry done? No.  Is anyone starving or running around naked?  Absolutely not.

So, that is what is up in my little corner of the world.  Thanks for checking in.  Another big, huge thanks for all of my dearest friends and family who have been encouraging me through these life changes. 

A Little Push...

If you see me or talk to me this week, give me a little push.

I am signed up for the Biggest Loser Challenge at Sculptures. It begins tomorrow night with orientation.  I am hoping my competitive streak kicks in and I kick butt over the next 90 days.  It isn't about beating others, though.  It's about putting myself first and proving to myself that I can change.  I am looking forward to the classes that they have.  Zumba, Hustle, TurboKick...they sound fun, don't they?  :)  What sounds even better is an hour to myself, for myself, three nights each week.  And maybe some Saturday mornings too.

I may need a little push now and then.  Be gentle. Be kind.  Don't nag (like my husband).

This all sounds like a good excuse to buy new shoes, doesn't it?

Holy Crap.

Well, to say that my journey has gone well is a lie.  I haven't posted, I haven't exercised, I haven't done a darn thing to help myself.  I have to change.  Why don't I have the willpower to do so????  I feel like an absolute failure.  Can I do something about this fact?  Absolutely.  Do I want to do something?  Absolutely.  Do I believe in myself enough to make it happen?  I don't know.  Maybe that's the problem.  Maybe I don't believe in myself enough to even get started on changing my life.  I can't even keep my stupid house clean.  How can I take on such a big challenge as making better lifestyle changes?  I want to live a long healthy and happy life, but I haven't done anything to make that happen.  I suck.  I can't even give up pop like I have been wanting to do. I need to use this blog as my journal, as my venting machine, as my accountability tool.

I have been having some health concerns lately...must get to the doctor to figure out what is causing lower back pain, cramps, and left hip pain.  Could be all this extra weight.  I don't know, but I have to figure it out.

I have so very far to go...it's overwhelming.  I think that is the other thing that holds me back.  I need to quit looking long term and the long road to get there.  I need to focus short term:  just today.  What can I do today to be healthy?  First answer:  exercise.  I'm going to switch the laundry and head to the basement to the long-ignored elliptical.

Praying for the strength each day to make good choices.  Going to dump out my pop and get a glass of water.  If you're the praying type, please pray for me.

I'm Still Here

I'm still here and I haven't accomplished any of my goals previously mentioned...and I want to beat the crap out of myself for that. I HAVE TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER!!! It begins tomorrow. I have decided to set a weekly goal for myself each week in order to take baby steps towards a healthier life. I need to lose 120-130 pounds to reach my ideal weight. Right now I just want to feel better about how I look and be able to wear all of the clothes hanging in my closet. I think part of my problem has been that I'm overwhelmed by that number. No one else I know is in my shoes. I have begun talking with two friends from high school who have achieved amazing goals in life. They are my inspiration. They are my teachers. They are my balcony people. I hope they don't mind. :)
Goals for week 1 of the rest of my life: No more pop...none. Keep a food/thoughts journal so I can see what I'm putting in my mouth.

Thank you for reading this. Please say a prayer for me that I'm able to meet these goals.

Okay, Here's the Deal

So, I guess you could say I've failed...I'm just going to say that I haven't put forth my best effort. It's now June 17th and I think I'm up 10 pounds instead of down ten pounds. I really shouldn't make New Year's Resolutions; I need to make summer resolutions. When I go back to work in January after Christmas break, it's always a busy time with assessments and benchmarks. It's a hard time to stay focused on resolutions. Summer is here and now I'm free as a bird (well, as free as a mom and wife can be). We've gone on a short, yet expensive, trip to Chicago complete with too much food...can you say Chicago deep dish pizza?? I'm now ready to work on my projects. The number one project is myself. I can do this. I need to do this. We're going to Panama City Beach in one month...I'm going to lose ten pounds before that trip. I'm going to eat better, exercise, and be consistent. Please help me through encouraging words and prayers. If anyone has ideas or things that keep them motivated, send 'em my way.

My apologies to everyone...including myself

Just enjoyed a delicious dinner of "busy day" pork chops, pasta, and corn...too many carbs, but my kids ate and it was homemade. Those are both important to me. I've been doing a much better job at portion control, which is huge. I haven't weighed myself lately, but I'm getting on the Wii later so we'll see how that goes! I have done Zumba the past two Mondays and have actually found a form of exercise that I enjoy. I hope to add it to my Wednesday routine too and maybe an occasional Saturday morning. I'm going to have to invest in the DVDs or Wii game at some point. Just from Zumba and a little bit on the elliptical, I feel as though I'm a little stronger and have a little more endurance. Those are the kinds of changes that I need to feel in order to stay motivated. Now if I could just find more time in the day and more energy to go with it. Anyone out there have tips for foods or activities that help you boost your energy?? Besides caffeine? :) I think I have a bad case of the winter blues. I'm ready for sunshine. I can't remember the last day that we saw lots of sunshine. I would love some warm weather to go with it. Am I asking for too much?? I must be, because the temps are supposed to drop drastically and be extremely cold over the next few days. :(

Thank you to those of you who have made encouraging comments after reading this blog. You are my supporters...I don't want to disappoint, so I'm off to exercise!!

No Excuses...I Guess

This week hasn't gone as well as I had hoped. I guess between going back to school and PMS, I've had more challenges than I was ready for. I have worked out, but not every day. I have eaten better, but not every day. I have felt good about what I am doing, but not every day. It seems that everything is a love/hate relationship. food, exercise, work, time....i love food, but hate what it does to my body when I eat what I like...I love that exercise is good for me and usually makes me feel good, but I hate doing it. I truly love my job, but if I didn't work, I would have a lot more time to focus on this stuff. :) There is never enough time or energy in the day. Can someone work on that? I'm going to work out with Jillian Michaels later this evening. We'll see what the Wii balance board has to say about my efforts or lack thereof. A dear friend asked how it was going tonight and I was honest. Now it's time to get real and get busy. I WILL get up and get on the elliptical tomorrow. I WILL watch what I eat and drink more water. I WILL cook healthier meals next week. I WILL feel good about myself.

What WILL you DO this week?

1-1-11

This is it...2011...how crazy is that!! I remember writing an essay in third grade. We had to describe what it would be like in the year 2000. That was 11 years ago!! Holy crap!! Where does time go? And, no, we're not flying around in spaceships like the Jetsons which is what we all predicted in the year 2000.

Our year has began by adding a new member to our family. Rudy Girl, the puppy, has come to live with us. She's an all-American mutt. She looks like a border collie with short hair, but she has some beagle/hound mixed in. She fits none of the descriptions of any of those dog types. Her favorite thing to do is either sleep or just lay around. She's six months old and doing quite well. The closest thing to barking is the growling she did at a neighbor's dog and that wasn't even close to being vicious. :) All in all, she's sweet and it's fun to change things up around here a little bit.

But back to the new title...I'm serious about this change stuff. I haven't done my best the past few days, but today is a new day. I have been trying to drink more water and less pop and if I have pop, I drink diet. I'm trying to watch my portions...except at Hollyhock Hill on Thursday where I just could NOT resist extra mashed potatoes and gravy. And I'm trying to resist chocolate...ugh. I wish I were one of those unlucky people who are allergic to it. It would be sooooooo much easier to stay away.

I'm looking forward to going back to work on Monday. I'm hoping a routine will make everything a lot easier. I hope all of you have a great start to a new year. May you find yourself abundantly blessed in 2011!

on my mind....

More stuff that is on my mind today...I've had several comments already on this blog and my facebook postings. Thank you, my dear friends! I feel your support already. I love all of you!

I feel some things weighing on my mind and heart tonight. I need to write them down and lay it all on the table. I think this is becoming a sort of therapy, which I'm sure I need. Trust me on that one. :) There are things I'm going to share here that I've never ever shared with anyone, but I feel like it is necessary for this to truly be a life change, not just a diet. I'm not one to really open up and share all of those deep, dark secrets or feelings that I have. So hang with me and know that this is a big step for me. If you're one of my close friends, I still might not talk about it out loud, but I love to type...so comment or email or text...we'll talk. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to the point of discussing it out loud. :)

I've always felt bigger than everyone else. Maybe it was my height. I am tall, but I wasn't always fat. I felt that way though. I remember being chosen to be the "princess" or something for our first grade circus. I had to wear a dance leotard borrowed from a friend and I honestly remember thinking that it wasn't going to fit. I was in FIRST grade, seriously?!? That has continued forever. I wasn't overweight; I just felt like it. WTH is that??? Middle school. UGH. Do I have to say more? Yes, I do...a boy (that I thought was a friend) called me Thunder Thighs...do you know how badly that hurt????? People can be so mean. I'm his "friend" on facebook now and so wish I could tell him how much that hurt me. I've seen pictures. I wasn't skinny minny thin, but I certainly wasn't fat; not even close.

So, have I just been living up to those thoughts? I certainly don't think so. I don't want to be like this, but I have been overwhelmed by the thought of what I need to do. To a small amount of defense, I do have some medical concerns that have contributed and don't help things, but I can overcome them. I just have to work harder than some other women. I feel successful in other areas of my life...this needs to be one of them. This will be one of them. The biggest hurdle: I LOVE FOOD....I love cooking, I love baking, I love eating out...it's always been a big part of my life...what are we eating and how good can we make it??? Growing up it was all about cleaning your plate....now it's my husband who loves to eat as much as I do and my kids who haven't learned to like the stuff that's good for you. (another part of this change: my kids' tastes b/c I do NOT want them to end up like me.) My daughter will learn to like fruits and veggies. :)

I feel better. Thanks for listening, my friends and balcony people. I must sign off now so that I can get a good night's sleep before spending time with the elliptical and Jillian Michaels again tomorrow and the pantry that desperately needs to be cleaned out.

In the beginning

I am overweight and although I don't let it show, I hate it. I want to look good, feel good, and know that I've done everything I can to live a long and healthy life. I want to play with my kids without feeling tired. I want to go on any vacation that we want without being self conscious about my appearance. I want to go shopping and actually enjoy it.

This blog is my accountability. I will succeed at this life change. I want to. I have to. I have no choice.

Pictures to come soon...what could be more effective at keeping me motiviated than seeing pictures of myself?

Oh, and my husband will be joining me on this adventure. He doesn't know it yet, but he is. :) He doesn't have as much to lose physically, but with his family history of high blood pressure, diabetes, strokes, and heart attacks, he has more to lose than anyone.

Please follow our journey and help keep us motivated. Please join us and share your successes, challenges, or ideas. We're all in this together!