More stuff that is on my mind today...I've had several comments already on this blog and my facebook postings. Thank you, my dear friends! I feel your support already. I love all of you!
I feel some things weighing on my mind and heart tonight. I need to write them down and lay it all on the table. I think this is becoming a sort of therapy, which I'm sure I need. Trust me on that one. :) There are things I'm going to share here that I've never ever shared with anyone, but I feel like it is necessary for this to truly be a life change, not just a diet. I'm not one to really open up and share all of those deep, dark secrets or feelings that I have. So hang with me and know that this is a big step for me. If you're one of my close friends, I still might not talk about it out loud, but I love to type...so comment or email or text...we'll talk. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to the point of discussing it out loud. :)
I've always felt bigger than everyone else. Maybe it was my height. I am tall, but I wasn't always fat. I felt that way though. I remember being chosen to be the "princess" or something for our first grade circus. I had to wear a dance leotard borrowed from a friend and I honestly remember thinking that it wasn't going to fit. I was in FIRST grade, seriously?!? That has continued forever. I wasn't overweight; I just felt like it. WTH is that??? Middle school. UGH. Do I have to say more? Yes, I do...a boy (that I thought was a friend) called me Thunder Thighs...do you know how badly that hurt????? People can be so mean. I'm his "friend" on facebook now and so wish I could tell him how much that hurt me. I've seen pictures. I wasn't skinny minny thin, but I certainly wasn't fat; not even close.
So, have I just been living up to those thoughts? I certainly don't think so. I don't want to be like this, but I have been overwhelmed by the thought of what I need to do. To a small amount of defense, I do have some medical concerns that have contributed and don't help things, but I can overcome them. I just have to work harder than some other women. I feel successful in other areas of my life...this needs to be one of them. This will be one of them. The biggest hurdle: I LOVE FOOD....I love cooking, I love baking, I love eating out...it's always been a big part of my life...what are we eating and how good can we make it??? Growing up it was all about cleaning your plate....now it's my husband who loves to eat as much as I do and my kids who haven't learned to like the stuff that's good for you. (another part of this change: my kids' tastes b/c I do NOT want them to end up like me.) My daughter will learn to like fruits and veggies. :)
I feel better. Thanks for listening, my friends and balcony people. I must sign off now so that I can get a good night's sleep before spending time with the elliptical and Jillian Michaels again tomorrow and the pantry that desperately needs to be cleaned out.
I think your feelings are common for a lot of girls. That was a mean comment made by your "friend." I had comments like that growing up too from my "friends." I hope you feel better about letting it out though. Sharing your feelings will help you through this process.
ReplyDeleteAs for liking to cook and eat out, you can still do those things. I LOVE taking a recipe and finding a way to make it healthier...using lowfat dairies, lean meats, whole wheats, more veggies, etc. When you eat out, check the restaurant's online menus to find what's healthy. Plus, don't be afraid to ask for your food to be prepared differently (i.e. steamed instead of in butter). They understand. Drink water all the time, especially when going out to eat. That'll save a lot of calories. Some people even suggest getting a to-go box right away when your food comes out, and immediately put half of the food in it for later. Restaurant portions are huge!
Your kids...try new and different fruits and veggies. You may be surprised at what they like. Give them occasional treats too, but try to get them active as well. You can always hide veggies in food too...think food processor.
Hope this helps some!
Oh Jen! This is awesome! I"m so proud of you! YOu are such a strong woman, and I admire you for what you are doing. I've been letting things get out of control with myself, and I find this motivating! Thanks for sharing in an open, vulnerable way. What you are doing is not only good for you, but also for those of us following your journey!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm so excited to add your blog to my blog roll...I'm a junkie! lol